my_daroga | Florida State Thespians Conference, Day 1

Tonight, at the opening ceremony for Florida Thespians State whatever, there was a helpful video about theater etiquette. It starred E (for Etiquette), who slowly killed off various musical theater characters for being rude in the theater. Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett got it for eating (pies), Mama or whatever from Chicago for talking on the phone, stuff like that. Naturally, the Phantom made an appearance, though I don't remember what his crime was; I do know he was accompanied by the ALW fanfare.

Now, I know this is a theater conference, and that the Phantom is known to millions of Americans. I also remember that I am no different from anyone else in this regard. But I get this wrenching pang of possessiveness when he's referenced anywhere. Like entitlement. I have this horrible flash of “no one in this auditorium knows what I know,” or maybe, “no one knows him like I do.” Which is both stupid and superior. He doesn't belong to me, and the very fact that I can write “he doesn't belong to me” indicates that I'm not entirely rational to begin with.

When I heard those stupid arpeggios and watched a student in a half-mask jump out of a door, I felt offended because something I cared about, or had an investment in, was being misrepresented. I could go at this from a few different places: 1) In what way does a character's presence in a student video “misrepresent” him, no matter what he's doing; or 2) Why do I care at all?

I was, at one time (now ten years or more in the past), a fanatic Phantom fan. It started with the musical, yes, and I had my Michael Crawford period and my Anthony Warlow period and my Mary-Sue fanfic and my theater wanna-be half-dreams. I suspect that the irritating feeling described above is a remnant of this fanatic fangirl attitude. It is suspiciously like the behavior I see in young fangirls today; the “protect MY character” attitude which dictates which character(istics) is the true nature of the beast. And while it's true enough that the Phantom I “know” is not the one I saw on screen tonight, there's a big difference between “my favorite Phantom is the one in my head” and “thou shalt have no other Phantoms before mine.” That difference is perhaps sanity. Or at least sense.

I find the fact that I can still feel this way, even if it's surrounded by rational analysis and/or dismissal, interesting. I'm not the same person, in so many ways that it seems absurd, now, that I'm admitting to this. It embarrasses me, not only right now but retroactive to the past-me I feel this is coming from. Maybe what I can't admit is that I haven't changed that much; that I can go one with life and look pretty normal but underneath I'm still this obsessive, elitist, irrational being. Who has enough stake in a fictional character she doesn't think is all that important (in a literary sense) that she can not only have feelings of betrayal at his cavalier use but spend some considerable time thinking about why that is.

Because in the end, the fact that I'm writing this says to me that I haven't changed at all. That I'm still a fangirl, and a snobby one at that. At any moment, I could turn to one of the students I'm chaperoning, or one of the other nominal adults, and say something that would betray my years of personal investment in a show I don't even like.

Then again, maybe that person I was wasn't so bad. Come to think of it, my concerns are very similar; I was a Doctor Who freak by 4^th grade, and hey, I'm still watching. And re-watching the Doctors of my youth. Doesn't my consistent interest in something indicate its value, at least on a personal scale? And what other scale should I use?

Have I actually just made myself infinitely more pathetic by spending this much time analyzing it than if I'd just noted the feeling and let it go?

Probably. But that would mean I'm no longer an obsessive elitist, and that would be inconsistent.

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Any fan feels the same way about different characters. In academic, they argue over "My Hamlet vs. your Hamlet but it's all the same thing. People perceive characters differently. I never mind different interpretations. I sometimes enjoy reading people who interpret the characters differently than my own. Makes me think. And that's a good thing:)

Naturally I'm not against different interpretations of character. My interest here is in my sense of "ownership" which I feel is childish and overwrought.

and we have a deep emotional investment in the work. Same as academics. Just that they get paid to be fans:)

True, but that doesn't mean I can't inquire into the nature of that ownership; I'm not satisfied with just acknowledging it.

Awhile ago I read about some "theory of mind" brain research, where they looked at people's brain scans when they looked at group pictures. People "tracked" their way across the picture, and parts of their brain (don't remember which) lit up like pinball machines when they saw themselves - or someone they loved.

My guess would be that as far as our brains are concerned, there's "really" no difference between the sight of a real person we love, and a character. Rationally we know (well, at least hopefully we do) the difference - but it *feels* the same.

Seeing a character like that, out of context, is as upsetting as seeing someone we love in a totally surprising context, one that we don't expect (and probably don't like.) It produces the same feeling of discomfort, discombobulation, and ... let's face it ... possessiveness.

I don't think it's "elitist." I think it's a normal response of deeply devoted love.

I'm confused about whether you felt the pang of offense because ALW's Phantom was being spoofed or whether it was because ALW's Phantom itself is the offense because it's not your version.

Either way, I don't think you should be embarrassed by this reaction, and more importantly, I think your analysis makes you the exact opposite of pathetic. Someone who felt offended and then felt that such offense was a justified feeling probably has a bit of a problem--taking it too seriously. But someone who felt offended and realized it was a completely irrational reaction seems to me to be just someone who cares deeply about the character, but realizes it's not important in the scheme of things. As

stephanie_bean points out, we can rationalize all we want, but we can't really control our emotions. And I think we shouldn't try--all we can do is try to understand them and in doing so help us to act on the things that are important to us rather than things stuff like hormones and synapses dictate. You know? And that's what this post is about.

Anywho, it's not as if your reaction is utterly nonsensical, anyway. Of *course* it is important to understand other POVs, and allow for other interpretations, and allow farce and jest with good humor, etc etc. But a certain amount of possessiveness for those we love, again as stephanie states, makes sense, though I would compare it so much to people we love as ideas we favor. You have to have a certain amount of strong feeling for your own POV, too, you know? That's healthy and good for you and your POV! I mean, your opinions should never be a fortress but they shouldn't be a bog either or else you won't have any opinions of your own.

I'm confused about whether you felt the pang of offense because ALW's Phantom was being spoofed or whether it was because ALW's Phantom itself is the offense because it's not your version.

Me too. The feeling was not particularly localized; and perhaps was created from irritation that this was the "only" Phantom the rest of the audience knew.

But yes, Stefanie's explanation makes a lot of sense. And I feel that my musings on the subject are important, or I wouldn't muse over them. Brains are strange places; I've recently been very surprised by how consistent a human being I am, even if I feel like a different person.

Nothing wrong with being an obsessive elitist. Sometimes it's quite fun :)

And here's

lawgirl_23, with a refreshingly opposite explanation. Yes, perhaps I'm being too hard on myself. Embrace obsessive elitism!

I know exactly how you feel-like I hate the Elephant Man being in parody if its disrespectful. But i can understand the Phantom thing-I quite like being elitist. I spend most of my day arguing with my friend Hannah about Hamlet and the fact that he isnt a whiney git and is only frustrated and is an amazing character. We are all elitist in our own way.
washu* xx

Yes, we all take our own interests *very* seriously. As Stefanie stated above, not realizing the ridiculous nature of such seriousness indicates that there's a problem.

I know how you feel re: The Elephant Man. I've seen cartoons and things that make him a joke, and that is pain of a different kind.

good, im glad im not the only one!!
xx

Florida State Thespians Conference, Day 1

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Nope, we're fans.........

Re: Nope, we're fans.........

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