Hedwig and the Angry Inch: Not Really a Review

[my_daroga]

Ever since we watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch last Sunday, tkp's been announcing how much she loves it. Which is awesome, and makes me wish to address my own feelings about the film, which are so different from what they were when it came out.

Seven years ago, when all this was actually happening, Hedwig and I fell victim to overhype. I was told over and over, by many people, that this was totally "my thing" and I would love it and that I'd "find him so hot." (Anyone who knows my penchant for boyish scrawny people of various genders will find this unsurprising.) When I finally saw it, it couldn't possibly live up to the expectations piled upon it. I think I was also put off by what I saw as a Rocky Horror-like cult that had grown up around it. And don't get me wrong, Rocky Horror is fun and all, but the comparison didn't make me believe there was anything for me to really get out of this movie. I enjoyed it, found parts of it amusing, liked the music. But it didn't speak to me.

To fully understand my current relationship with Hedwig and the Angry Inch, I guess I should go back to my mid-teen years, when I fell in love with John Cameron Mitchell all unknowingly because of the song "Winter's on the Wing" in the musical The Secret Garden. I had the cd, and Mitchell played Dickon, and his accent was so amazingly hot. (Yes, you Yorkshire folk can laugh at me now.) I never saw him, and barely registered his name. Actually, it was probably a year or two after Hedwig came out (the movie, not the show) before I figured out it was the same guy.

Something else happened between then and now to materially alter the landscape, and that was seeing Mitchell's next film, Shortbus. Yeah, that's the one with REAL SEX in it. I think it's one of the most positive films about human nature I've ever seen. And the documentary about the making of it was what really did it for me: seeing this slight young man, so quiet and self-possessed, talk about why he was making this film was incredibly touching. And the fact that I'd last seen him as the decidedly unquiet and dispossessed Hedwig made the contract intriguing. Not to mention pointed out his amazing talent.

The thing about Hedwig is that I think I am only now in the right place for that film to find me. Or rather, we're finally in conjunction; perhaps I could have seen it last year or the year before and it would have worked, too. The point is it works now. Something about me, or my position viewing it, is different. Maybe it's the fact I've allowed myself to find him attractive both as Hedwig and as himself. My understanding of my own sexuality has certainly expanded since college. Maybe it's my familiarity with the music, and the way that makes their contextual placement in the film more poignant. I think, too, that I used to think it was more of an exercise in camp than it really is. Now, and especially after watching the "Whether You Like It Or Not" feature on the DVD, I think it's more than that. Seeing the process out of which it was built added layers of meaning for me. It's campy and in your face, but it's also about something, someone.

I started writing this intending to write more about the text, and what it means to me, rather than the trajectory of my appreciation. I'm not sure that's of interest to anyone but me. But when I think about what I have to say about Hedwig, I'm not sure it has any meaning to anyone else, either. Maybe if I could determine just why it makes me cry now, when it left me untouched before, I'd have something. But I can't help but feel that there's something sort of personal about the film that might not translate well. At least, for me. I'll keep thinking about it.

Right now, frankly, I'm sort of in a “oh my god, s/he is the hottest thing I've ever seen” phase (aided greatly by how much I respect him). Seven years late, granted. Which is probably why there are all these pictures here.

Comments

[scarletsherlock.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure that's of interest to anyone but me.

I love the way you write about films. You hardly said anything about the movie here, which I have not seen and was kind of indifferent to, but now I want to see it. I like reading reviews of films, which tell me if the reviewer thought the film was "good" or "bad" and talk about the process of filmmaking and the genesis of the film and such. But I also like reading about people who just like movies and how they make them feel, and why they like them. I find this very interesting on an emotional and personal level, because I love movies. Everything I watch means something to me on a personal level and effects me emotionally. Though I like academic film reviews, sometimes it's more rewarding to me to read film reviews--film opinions, I guess, rather--that come from a more visceral perspective.

Your Phantom book is vastly entertaining to me for both reasons--because it is both very informative and intellectual, and because I know it means something to you above and beyond just writing about a subject which intrigues you. You have a fan's perspective, and so a certain affection and enthusiasm for the project, which I really like, understand, and empathize with, will always come across.

[my_daroga]

Thanks so much. I usually try to write a proper review, as you know. But obviously I felt this would interest someone, despite what I said, or I wouldn't have posted it.

Everything I watch means something to me on a personal level and effects me emotionally.

I feel the same. As in, I believe there are good and bad movies, movies I like and hate, but there are hardly any movies it is a complete waste of my time to watch. I learn something, if only a further definition of what I hate or why.

I appreciate your words about my book. I'm trying hard to just "be me" in the writing of it, and hoping that has an impact. Thanks for letting me know.

By the way, I'm not sure you were around when I alphabatized all my film reviews. If that's of interest.

[scarletsherlock.livejournal.com]

I'm trying hard to just "be me" in the writing of it, and hoping that has an impact.

It does. I think you are definitely coming through, in a great way.

Thanks for the link. I hadn't seen that--there are quite a few on your list I haven't seen. Yay Netflix! *adds to memories*

[lawgrrl-23.livejournal.com]

I gotta say, I bought Hedwig when it first came out on DVD because I think I'd seen a review for it in Bust or something, and I trust their reviewers. I was unaware that there was "hype", but I've seen the accolades expand long after I bought my copy. No one I knew had seen it, though, so I didn't think it could be that hyped. Anyway, I LOVED Hedwig from the start, and, when Shortbus came out on DVD, I immediately purchased it just because it was done by Mitchell and I knew I'd love it (which I do). I can see some comparisons to RHPS in Hedwig, but each is such a stellar, standout movie on its own that I rarely think about one in connection with the other.

I don't know why I felt the need to share all this with you, other than because I am glad someone else appreciates Mitchell's films besides me :) (Especially Shortbus, which, like, ONE other person I know has seen.)

[my_daroga]

It wasn't that I personally compared RHPS and Hedwig, but that others did and the fanbase reminded me of it. I was in college-heavy Boston at the time, so there were lots of people of the right age around.

I never disliked Hedwig. But it means something to me now it didn't before. And Shortbus really felt like a revelation. If it makes you feel better, it came highly recommended by our movie store girl, so I'm sure she's pushing it on others.

[lawgrrl-23.livejournal.com]

That's awesome! I applaud progressive movie store clerks, having been one myself when I was a youth :)

I guess, in Las Vegas, and especially at our university (where I was living at the time), there wasn't as much excitement over Hedwig. We're not a very progressive campus, in my opinion. I don't think we liked RHPS either, if I think about it. But, hey, we've never held ourselves out as a "college town", so I shouldn't expect that kind of culture. Strippers and keggers, yes; rock musicals, enh, not so much.

[my_daroga]

Strippers and keggers, yes; rock musicals, enh, not so much.

Oh my. Boston is such a different town.

[dragonvyxn.livejournal.com]

eloquent, heartfelt - just lovely to read this. makes me want to watch it again, too... my own sexuality and gender issues are resolved, to whatever extent that might mean anything... hedwig was a really important movie for me, there, and i think it always going to be that way.

[my_daroga]

I'm not sure if mine well ever be resolved, but that's certainly unique to the individual. I think, for me, that's part of what this film means to me. That the resolution can come anywhere and in any form.

[lulurenegade.livejournal.com]

This is, pretty much, one of my favorite movies EVAR.

JCM is super hot.

[my_daroga]

Heehee, I'm glad you agree. Did you see Shortbus with us? Probably not, eh? If you haven't, you should see it.

[phantoms-siren.livejournal.com]

Hmmm I just looked it up on IMDB and it looks like exactly my kind of film, I've barely heard of it though I remember vague references to it going waaay back, I always assumed it was an 80s film. I wonder if its even available over here...

[my_daroga]

Nope! Quite recent. It's got to be available. It's not completely underground, I don't think.

If/When you do get to see it, I hope you'll share your thoughts.

[femmenerd.livejournal.com]

Weirdly Hedwig reminds me of my brother because the animated bits are very reminiscent of my brother's art. I've been thinking these kinds of thoughts that you are having off and on in recent years - not about Hedwig per se, but about how the alchemy that happens sometimes between person and text is really subject to time and how I have different relationships with things than I ever could have had before.

[my_daroga]

Yes. I seem to maintain certain important texts only because they used to be important--as in, I can go back and watch my old Phantom movies and receive an echo of that charge, which I wouldn't at all if seeing it new today.

But other things, I can have around for years before I realize how vital they are to me in this moment. It's why I still "try things on" periodically when I know they should be important. Sometimes, I can't imagine how I missed it before.