"I’m writing in drag."

[my_daroga]

I love this October '05 interview with Joss Whedon, as just reported on Whedonesque. Especially this:

I’m super-gay, something my wife has come to accept and even enjoy.

[Wow, it's like me talking up there!]

and

But it is difficult, and these are roles that are constantly redefining themselves and re-entrenching. And you do come to a realisation, as you get older, that men and women actually do have not just cultural but biological differences, and that some of those clichés about how different they are, are actually true. And while I spend my entire career trying to subvert our notions of masculinity and femininity, I also have to have some grounding in the fact that some of them are based in reality — but some of them are also based in sociology, and those are the ones that have to be done away with, because they are nonsense.

I know we can never know what people are really like from media coverage, but am I wrong to find him adorable? The fact that he'd say the first bit aloud is just so heartening. I'm not alone--the gay heterosexual is a fact. Not my imagination.

Comments

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

I wonder why he says "the ones [based on sociology] have to be done away with, because they're nonsense." Sociology itself comes out of sociobiology, and he admits the reality of at least some biological differences.

[my_daroga]

Sociology itself comes out of sociobiology

True, but keep in mind this is an interview, and not edited for clarity. He's probably just using "sociology" as shorthand for the more imposed, non-biological aspects of gender. I'd be hard pressed to find a short-form definition for what he's talking about, myself. "Culturally imposed," maybe.

I think he just spoke too quickly.

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure either. "Culturally imposed" doesn't mean a lot to me, either. A great deal is "culturally imposed" on us. Speed limits are culturally imposed. So are clothes. If he means he wants to end discrimination based on prejudices, then I'm on the bus with him. However, other than the requirement that sperm donors be male, I'm not sure what "cultural impositions" there really even are, anymore. Personally, I don't think ending discrimination has to mean ending the enjoyable experience of sexual differences.

[my_daroga]

I'm not sure what "cultural impositions" there really even are, anymore

I think it may vary depending on who's talking. I imagine that certain women or men, whose nature it is to display traits that are not in line with gendered norms (which, granted, are getting wider all the time), may have trouble. It's not like it used to be. But I think there are still pressures, from family, media, etc, to see ourselves within certain boundaries.

Some of those, as we've said, are physical. And yes, sexual differences are enjoyable; but not in the same way for all people. In the case of Buffy, Joss made a superhero who is both pretty and kick-ass, but is not an amazonian fetish object either. That's somewhat different, if you look back. Not saying the world's been changed, but I think there are still expectations laid upon us.

[stefanie-bean.livejournal.com]

I agree that expectations are laid on people. I think the pressures on the young (remember, to me anyone under 30 is "young") are incredibly burdensome. Mothers insist their kids get straight As, no exceptions. Kids are put into accelerated classes whether they want them or not. Many hear nothing but "career, money, success" over and over from their parents. If the kids want to do something unusual that doesn't pay well, the parents go nuts. The kids sometimes don't even get to pick their colleges based on what's a good fit; it's just what's "prestigious," and so on.

And I'm talking about the girls.

Obviously expectations like "You're a girl; you can't study engineering" are burdensome. But so is, "You're a girl, take AP physics instead of home ec because it's better for 'success.'" The movie "Mona Lisa Smile" dealt with that whole question in an interesting way.

To me, the whole point is to raise and support people who can find out what it is they want, what they like, what will make them happy in all regards (culture, work, sex, etc.) Even if that means they do the "unexpected."

[my_daroga]

Oh, totally. I think we're moving into an area where "expectations" have been allowed a larger window--it's no longer reprehensible for a woman to be either a doctor or a mother or both--but that's just a general, societal shift. I think those expectations vary within groups and families, and I can't assume they've been eradicated. Even within my own family, although I was literally raised with "don't settle down early, you don't have to have kids, do something meaningful, go travel," etc, in reality my folks still have their own definition of "meaningful" that may not coincide with mine, because we were raised differently.

To get back to the gender thing, I think we've come a long way and a lot of the more overt pressures have let up. But I don't think that means they've disappeared.