Title: Balance
Fandom: Star Trek: TOS
Characters/Pairing: Kirk with Kirk/Ruth, Kirk/Gary, Kirk/Ruth/Gary
Rating: R
Words: ~4,000
Summary: Many people had gone into making Jim what he was.
Notes: I wrote this, initially, as backstory for a roleplay I'm active in. As such it was an exercise in exploring the reasons behind choices my Kirk was making and attitudes he had developed towards relationships--and it may not reflect attitudes and choices (or endings) I'd have made otherwise. But I'm posting it because it might be of more general interest outside that context.



He was young for an Academy instructor, but in those days he was older than his years anyway. He told himself he was taking responsibility, but in reality, "responsibility" was code for filling time and keeping to himself.

Gary Mitchell was making that difficult.

"See ya, Jim."

"Mitchell," Jim said warningly.

"Gary," Mitchell returned in the same tone.

( 'Lieutenant Kirk,' Jim corrected, )

I did not just write a real-person drabble.

I was reading about William Shatner (as one does at work), and came cross this gem from Playboy:

Playboy: Who is better in bed, Captain Kirk or T.J. Hooker?
Shatner: One is a giver and the other is a taker. So it works beautifully.

And I wrote this:

Kirk glanced appraisingly at Shatner’s middle. “Haven’t been keeping yourself up, have you?” He looked up with a heavy-lidded expression that Shatner had perfected with hours before his bathroom mirror. He suspected it came to the captain naturally. “You’re still very pretty.” He leaned forward, standing far too close for comfort.

Shatner stared at him. “But I’m… not… gay!” he said.

“Well I am, if you want to be 20th century about it,” said Kirk, using a smile Shatner thought he’d patented—Nimoy called it his “smirk of unassailable ego”—“and you have to admit you think you’re gorgeous.” He stood back as if to let his double admire his Starfleet-approved physique. Shatner could only wish he looked like that. And he had to admit—he looked really good.

“Well you… aren’t so bad yourself,” he begrudged.

Kirk pouted. “True enough. Though I’ve never understood why you make me talk like I can’t get through a sentence without stopping to think.”