my_daroga: Tatsuya from "Touch" (cartoon)
2023-05-29 08:30 pm
Entry tags:

Where *have* I been?

Someone just reminded me DW exists. I've been kinda back in fandom lately, but since a lot of that is on Tumblr, I've been over there. It's bad, y'all. It's The Beatles. As in, the most basic. And also, evil RPF etc etc. But it's been fun to want to write fic again! And to be honest, I've not fallen this hard this fast in a long time. It's waned a bit lately, but man, I have inhaled vast amounts of music, historical data, gossip, and pics of cute boys in a way that feels unhinged and strangely balanced; you can spend equal time squeeing and delving into deep shit, is my point.

Otherwise, still in Seattle, working the gig life (uber, pet stuff, art modeling) and trying to stay free and loose, taking adventurous trips with my folks the past few years, still doing theater and trying to write a podcast and figure out what's next!

Anyway, dunno if anyone will read this or who's even still here, but I'm posting on a whim in the hopes it'll get me to check back in with my feed and everything.

How are you?
my_daroga: (shatner)
2019-11-04 08:44 pm
Entry tags:

how do I shot fandom?

I feel like I'm in a swirl of feelings and circumstances that don't have a lot of room for one another. On the one hand, I am swamped in real life generally, mostly because I am finally getting opportunities to do things and saying "no" to those feels like a betrayal of the nearly forty years I spent, you know, NOT getting to do the things. (Or really, rather, building towards those things or not getting to do them enough, etc.)

So I'm working and I have friends I don't see as much as I ought and I have theater and podcast recordings and skating lessons and all that. At the same time, having attended Left Coast Sherlock Symposium and then this past weekend KiScon, I want to get caught up in fandom again and just don't know how. I don't know where it is and when I do find pockets of it they seem unsuitable or unnavigable. I want to write but I feel I have forgotten how to produce, or maybe I've forgotten how to create time in my life where production of that sort is possible.

I've also got an ex-coworker texting me her feelings about Spike since she's watching Buffy for the first time, so hello again Spike feelings.

So yeah. I still have all these thoughts and feelings flowing around and through me, and I don't know what to do with them because not only are they diffuse they are undirected and in addition, the logistics of my daily life are, you know. Compromised, time-wise.

I don't know why I'm posting all of this here, except to try to kickstart myself into figuring this out. If I want to write this fic about Kirk, I should do it. If I want to be involved in fandom, I should find it and stop whining about it not being what I want. It's just hard to know where to start when it feels like "starting over" in an arena that used to feel so organic and natural.
my_daroga: "Match me, Sidney." (noir)
2019-10-17 08:10 pm

Sherlockianiana (reflections from Left Coast Sherlock Symposium)

 When I learned that there was a new Sherlock Holmes convention within spitting distance of Seattle, I was delighted. I was part of the late lamented Sherlock Seattle con committee, which sort of got me back into Sherlock Holmes fandom after a long absence. I joined because I thought there should be more representation of the older iterations in the BBC-focused con; now, I tend to be the voice for the new and the weird in our local scion meetings. So I was even more excited to be chosen as a speaker for LCSS, on the topic of acting and Sherlock Holmes. This was based on my debatable expertise as someone who's taught about Holmes on film and played him on stage a few times. But this entry is about my overall thoughts about the con, so I'll try to find a balance between meaningfully specific and concise.


Overall (for those who want the birds-eye view) I have to say that I am incredibly happy and impressed by the work done by the organizing team and I'm grateful for the fabulous attendees. The weekend went amazingly smoothly, the panels were a fabulous cross-section of the charmingly pedantic, obscure, socially conscious, and poetic sides of the fandom. The crowd was an admirable mix of what I'd term "old school" and internet-raised fans. And the general attitude was one of acceptance, of "big tent" Sherlockianism (in Tim Johnson's words), of joyous celebration. I usually come off of conventions feeling better about fandom than I did before, because it turns out that when you put a bunch of people who love the same thing in different ways into a room, the love usually wins out. I also want to say that I am flattered at being included; I've never given a solo talk at a convention like this, and I was in illustrious company I do not at all feel I am at the level of.


I drove down to Portland with my flatmate, Strangelock, which was emotionally significant for me because we met doing Sherlock Seattle and I feel that our partnership is very Holmes-and-Watson-ish. It's not that we break exactly on those lines, but there are more similarities than not, and so we celebrated that by dressing as the Lenfilm (Soviet) versions of the characters on Saturday.

Read more... )

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Brad Keefauver has blogged way more articulately as I can about the specific panels, partly because he was basically live-blogging the whole way, but some thoughts.


Robert Perret's talk about the questionably scholarly nature of Sherlockian writings was a wonderfully nerdy meta-view of the fandom, which I love because it is an example of the thing it is studying, and I enjoy that kind of thing. Basically I would go to a thing about a thing every time, skipping the thing itself. Next, Sonia Fetherston & Julie McKuras presented a history of the women who have tried to break the glass ceiling of "official" Holmes society in the US which made me basically want to dig up all the past BSI dudes so I could punch them in the skull. Then, we had Chuck Kovacic's charming presentation on his recreation of the Baker Street sitting room. He has VERY strong opinions on how to do it right, and was a very entertaining speaker. Colebaltblue and  Sanguinity's talk on Holmestice was mostly stuff I already knew, but here's the thing: I thought it was an incredibly valuable addition to the program. So many people long in the fandom are entirely unaware of a lot of the more recent innovations in fanworks and sharing, and these two managed to bridge that gap beautifully, in an unthreatening and inclusive manner. I think this morning really encapsulated so much that was great about this weekend: the fact that all ways of exploring Holmes are valid, and we can all contribute in our own style.

Speaking of which, next up after lunch were the fine gentlemen from 
BWAHAHAHA, demonstrating the style of pugilism that might have been described in Watson's writings. (Or rather, mostly by Holmes' description of his own prowess.) If you know me, you know I've dabbed in fencing and aerials and roller skating and all kind of things and I'm definitely going to hit up one of these practices to see how I like it. See again: doing a thing about a thing instead of the thing. If I'm practicing this HISTORY of a thing I'm more interested, for some reason. Next was Nancy Holder up with her presentation about Holmes in science fiction and horror, which was a great overview of the genre fiction our hero has taken part in. It's always made me slightly uncomfortable to combine Holmes with the supernatural, mostly because I like the LOGIC of the world that he represents, and a lot of the supernatural/horror stuff sort of throws all of that into question. But that's a post for another day, maybe. Our last stop of the day was with Dr. Bruce R. Parker on the use of medicine in the canon, which was really fascinating from the perspective of a doctor. I restrained myself and did NOT ask my question about BRAIN FEVER which is one of my favorite ailments of all time, mostly because when you look it up online it's basically only... references to ACD stories.


All in all, a very satisfying day. We had some time before the banquet, and strangelock wasn't going, so we walked downtown to Powell's books and got dinner and got back in time for me to put my mustache back on and mosey on down to the banquet. Having already eaten, I caught up with some of my fellow SOBs and took in the magic show. True to my nature, I enjoyed it more than I expected because it wasn't just a magic show; it was a treatise on centuries-old conjurer gossip. The history of conjuring was just as interesting as the effects themselves.

Day two was the big day, the day of my own presentation. I dressed in a slightly more modern dapper mode, sans facial hair, and placed myself next to Brad at what we deemed the speakers' table, though it was really just half the speakers. Side note: I was so excited to finally meet Brad Keefauver. I first encountered him in 1994 in the message boards of *Prodigy, which was the home of the Wigmore Street Post Office. I still have numerous copies of that zine, where I appear alongside Brad and Lee Shackleford and other greats of the fandom. I brought one with me, for him to sign, which he graciously did, but I cannot even express how gratifying it was to meet in person one of those who accepted a weird 14 year old into one of the oldest fandoms in the world.



First came the raffle, in which I won nothing, and then it was Lyndsay Faye's turn to speak about pastiche and fanfiction and the use of Sherlock in various works. I loved the idea that all novels are sequels, that we're all just riffing off what came before, because I truly believe it. The theme of the day, I think, was "All Holmes is Good Holmes," Lyndsay set us up well with her examination of how we all write the book we want to read, and it's all okay. Nothing erases what you love about the character, and there is room for all of it.


Here's the part where it gets bleak, for me, but transcendent. Tim Johnson of the U of Minnesota delivered a prose poem that covered not just his relationship to Sherlock Holmes and his fandom over the years, but beautifully evoked the way that fandom needs to encompass all visions. I cannot come close to doing it justice, but to hear a man so steeped in the history of this character and fandom make a plea for understanding and inclusion literally made me cry. The standing ovation was the only one of the weekend, and it could not have been more deserved. He was an inspiration.

I was next, and I was devastated to go after Tim, but I spoke a bit about the history of Sherlock on film and about the ways he can be portrayed. I was trying to do something that 1) I hadn't seen done before and 2) combined my dual tracks of studying Holmes on film and playing him on stage. So I basically tried to get people thinking beyond terms of "this is my favorite" into the question of what are they doing? that works (or doesn't) for various people. It seemed well-received! And I enjoyed the comments immensely.

Last but certainly not least (and as I joked in my talk, I was glad he was after me so everyone had stuck around), was Brad Keefauver with his multiverse theory of Sherlock Holmes. It's an attempt to make all versions "true," the idea being that each discrepancy is actually a branched universe. I love this, and it dovetails neatly with the big tent plea of Tim Johnson and the all stories are sequels statement from Lyndsay Faye. I like to think my points fall in there, too, in the sense that I was talking about the multiple "right" ways of being Holmes, and the way those techniques will work on some and not all but it's not objective.

With that, the symposium was over, and after a late lunch at my favorite restaurant in Portland (Nicholas Restaurant, best pita and hummus anywhere) strangelock and I drove home. I don't know where my next fandom adventure lies, but I know I want it to be alongside these people, and I hope if they're reading this they'll stay in touch. All Holmes is Good Holmes, and getting to share him with a room full of like-minded but utterly different fans was a reminder of how rich this fictional life is.

my_daroga: From Powell's "Peeping Tom" (camera)
2019-09-24 09:45 pm
Entry tags:

Just a thought before I go...

...ok I'm not going anywhere. But I wanted to pop in and just bang away a bit about all the stuff coming up in my life. Because it's kind of a lot? And it's... always. A lot. I seem to get caught up in stuff on a regular basis to the point where I can't figure out where my free time went, only it's entirely obvious when you look at the evidence.

So, coming up:

--It's super busy at work, given that salmon are returning and my job is to educate people about said salmon
--A play called Death Tax in which I have a small but really juicy part, opening in October
--A talk at Left Coast Sherlockian Symposium about what constitutes a Holmesian performance. Also in October, the week before the above play. So I guess I better write that.
--A few panels at GeekGirlCon in November, about online roleplaying and the importance of geeky play.
--KiSCon, I think, though I haven't heard back yet about whether they want my panel ideas? Anyway, last weekend of October.
--Planning for next year's Hello Earth show, which needs to begin now
--A film class in four parts I am doing for SIFF next March, called "Monstrous Marriage" about Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera, and our continuing obsession with the Beast/Bluebeard narrative.


Things I'm also into/want to be doing:
--Podcasts! I'm on one, want to do my own
--Roller skating/aerials/archery/fencing all the things
--writing, I'd like to be writing
--cosplay
--check in tomorrow there will be a new thing

I'm really bad at regulating myself, too. At realizing I need to slow down. I'm getting better at that, at taking time for myself, but honestly? I'm just usually dismayed that I haven't more time.
my_daroga: (mark hamill)
2019-06-27 02:57 pm
Entry tags:

She's the Man

The other day, I waded into an online argument I knew would not result in any changed minds or new understanding. It was about whether a certain character ‘should’ or ‘could’ be played by a woman instead of a man, with the arguments mostly boiling down to, “it would change the entire storyline,” sometimes with a side of, “...because you’d have to recast all the other characters as the opposite gender.”
 
As someone who’s made a routine of playing a gender onstage other than the one I pass for in real life, this was, of course, of interest to me. I am actually more often analyzing this from the other side--is it, in fact, politically correct for a cis-woman to portray a man, or is that verging into trans-appropriation? I don’t, any more, thinking about it from the probably more conventional side of “can a woman realistically play a male character or is it inherently an exercise in dancing dogs?”
 
In some ways this is a complicated question with a lot of nuance and angles to examine. (What makes gender? How it is divorced from sex, if at all? Are there characters and character traits which are unconvincing in a person of the opposite gender? Is it different because I’m a woman playing a man, instead of the other way around, and why?) In another sense, it feels like simplicity itself--this is acting, you’re suspending disbelief anyway, we all know I’m not a Jedi or a starship captain so what difference does it make what parts I have under my clothes?
 
There are a lot of reasons I like playing men. Some are selfish, and possibly touch on internalized misogyny: my favorite characters (and lots of leads) are men, so if I didn’t play a man I wouldn’t get to be the captain, the hero, the detective. Some are personal: I have never quite felt comfortable calling myself female, though I’ve been one long enough that I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m anything else, and one of my bulletproof narrative kinks has always been girls-dressed-as-boys because I relate to it. My third reason is slightly political, though I have never really seen it as all that revolutionary: I want people to look at me on stage and say, “well why can’t Captain Kirk be played by a woman?”
 
In doing so, I’m not really saying that the next film should have Kristen Bell dressed as a boy and answering to “Jim.” Though I’d be ok with that, too. When I’ve played men, both in my own theater company and elsewhere, we’ve left pronouns alone and dressed me as a man, however. And I think it’s because I want the question to be one the audience asks itself. Does it matter? Does the love interest have to change gender? Is the story “different” because I’m a woman?
 
It’s also not that I think there isn’t a difference between my performance and, say, William Shatner or Jeremy Brett. But I think my being shorter, or having a higher voice, or being blonde, are just as significant. Some of those things do have to do with typical feminine physical traits, sure. But what exactly are people citing when they say that “James Bond could never be a woman”? Are they saying that no woman could possibly possess the abilities he does? Or the charisma, sexual appetite, or confidence? Or do they actually mean that they do not or cannot accept a woman in that role due to their own feelings about male and female roles in society?
 
I definitely don’t automatically think that anyone who thinks James Bond can’t be a woman is consciously applying misogyny. In this recent argument, I heard a lot of “I believe women and men are equal, I just don’t think a woman would be convincing as X.” And maybe they believe that. But when I play a man, what I hope the audience is doing is addressing their own preconceptions about what a “woman” and a “man” are, and if they come to the conclusion that I am unconvincing, at least maybe they have a more coherent argument as to why.
 
There is a lot more I could say about this, and I hope to continue this discussion with anyone who cares to. But I will leave it here, for now, as a first attempt at exploring a topic near and dear to my heart. I will continue to audition for and to cast men, women, and non-binary folk in my shoes just as I will cast all ethnicities and physical abilities--in any role to which they are suited, regardless of these factors. Because I think this conversation is important to have, and because I think we need to analyze why we put some character and personality traits in gendered baskets that don’t seem terribly applicable to real life.
my_daroga: (shatner)
2019-05-28 03:51 pm
Entry tags:

Another review from a Trekkie who didn’t love Discovery. How original!

This week, as everyone was freaking out about Game of Thrones, I finished season 2 of Star Trek: Discovery. Ever since, I’ve been debating how to write this, and why. It’s important to me that I love Star Trek, in its myriad forms. I’ve ruled out wanting a rehash of the old show, just as I’ve ruled out many of the reasons my facebook group is full of salt. But I am trying to understand just what isn’t working for me, so that’s what this is going to be about.

The truth is, I have NOT loved every iteration of Trek instantly. Deep Space Nine is probably my favorite (tied with the original), though I find the first season almost unwatchable. I adore Voyager, but it took me awhile to get into. I never did manage to warm to Enterprise, which I thought had some good ideas and characters and design but failed to capture the spirit I wanted. And that’s generally how I feel about Discovery: that it’s trapped between two forms of television storytelling and has many great ideas that are foundering in their execution. Overall, it feels like something that is playing it too safe, even as it takes great strides to demonstrate the diversity that should be evident throughout any Trek franchise.

But while the diversity is well shown, I find most of the actual writing to lean heavily on telling. We are told, over and over, how hard things are for characters. Or how important something is. I love the trials that are set up for the characters, the identity-shaking, life and love and death situations, the notion that we are here to make the galaxy better. But I hardly ever feel those conflicts. This is more evident in the voiceover narration, which is tediously high-school diary. (“Just as repetition reinforces repetition, change begets change....Sometimes the only way to find out where you fit in is to step out of the routine. Because sometimes, where you really belong was waiting right around the corner all along.”) But it happens between characters, too, as Spock looks meaningfully at a three-dimensional chess set and intones, “the board is yours, Michael.”

So what am I missing? I don’t think any of the previous series are or should be a model for a new Trek. Nor do I think Trek needs to hare off into some new grimdark territory to keep up with Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones or the fake-gritty DCU. What I do think we have, here, is an attempt to have both of those things that accomplishes neither. An attempt at the old feeling (including Spock and Pike, references to uniform color, etc) while trying too hard to be profound and edgy. But the cake-and-eat-it-too attempt to hew close to established canon while doing something new and different neither feels like canon nor like anything original and fresh. It feels constrained by creators who are afraid to step too far outside two boxes that don’t have a lot of overlap. And you get a show that should be helmed by the women and actors of color who hold most of the parts, but relies on Pike and Spock for a lot of the emotional core. You get a show that doesn’t bother to tell me why I should care about Airiam until she’s dead. A show that thinks it needs Section 31 and the mirror universe to provide edge and conflict.

We can argue about what Star Trek is, what elements make something “feel like” Trek. And I’ve quarreled with new interpretations before. But it’s not so much that I need Discovery to BE like DS9 or Voyager. It’s that I want it to stop feeling like it wants to be Star Wars or Mass Effect without making Trekkies mad. I want it to explore what it means to be human, or anyway part of the collective the Federation has and will become. I want it to offer a dose of optimism that we will choose to do better. And I want it to take risks. I don’t want a show with a plodding arc that literally takes us to a point where it writes itself out of existence, simply because they’ve trapped themselves in a time frame that is unworkable with the story they want to tell. If you wanted a show that doesn’t fit with the timeline or the technology already set up, maybe you aren’t writing the right show. I’m not asking for The Original Series Two. But I am saying that by wrapping itself up in a time period and with existing characters whose fates are already known, it’s constrained itself out of any sense of momentum or progress.

I am hoping that, next season, this show will come into its own. There are big plot indications it might well do that. But for the first few seasons, I feel that Discovery has been hampered by a slavish attempt to replicate the wrong things about Star Trek. I hope it finds new life soon.
my_daroga: (mark hamill)
2019-05-03 02:14 pm
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"At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment."

So, I turned 40. It was pretty great. I'm happy with where my life is right now: a job I love, a lovely environ I continue to enjoy exploring, starting up this year's Wars Outdoors: The Empire Strikes Back in the Park.

I'm still flailing a LOT when it comes to fandom and how to do it. I am still active in DWRP. I've joined the local Sherlockian scion society (my fandom name is "Play-acting Busybody") and I've been accepted to speak at Left-Coast Sherlockian Symposium.

But I don't know how to do this anymore. I keep hearing everyone's going to twitter, okay, fine. But I can't find any guide to doing so as someone coming from a really different medium. Do I use my own name? (Doing so is weird because PORN but not doing so erases my primary fannish contribution at this stage, which is my acting/producing and very public.) Where do I find "my" people? How do I avoid all the shit I don't want to see? (I don't mean blacklisted stuff--I mean just endless ads and retweets I cannot care less about.) I feel like in other communities, there are/were "guides for n00bs" or something. I can't find anything about how to access this space in a way that makes sense. And I've had an account for years--so obviously it hasn't been intuitive for me at all.

Anyway, yeah, I sound like a curmudgeon, and see above re: 40, but believe me I'm as tired of bemoaning the state of fandom as anyone is of hearing it.
my_daroga: ambiguous? (batman)
2019-03-04 02:00 pm

“The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.”

So what to do with all this information + feels about Sherlock Holmes and his environs?

Let me back up:

I first fell into Sherlock Holmes fandom when I begged my parents to let me stay up and watch "The Devil's Foot" episode of the Granada (Jeremy Brett) series, and my recollection was that I was 9 at the time. This is confirmed by the fact the episode was released in 1988, so it makes sense that I'd have seen the commercial on PBS. Why I was intrigued, who can say?

But throughout my life, I've been on-again, off-again with the great detective. Prodigy bulletin boards and zines at first, my undergrad honors thesis, several years serving on the committee for Sherlock Seattle, but only brief forays into what I'd term the "modern" form of fannish interaction.

A few years ago, I became friends with the education director of one of the preeminent film festivals/societies in the country, and I prevailed upon him that I had an expertise in Sherlockian cinema and could give a class. He liked my pitch, and I did it. We did three evenings, 24 students, to what I think was great enjoyment by all or most.

Thus, I've spent the past several months steeping in Sherlock Holmes film/tv series, from 1916 onward, and I have way too much information and way too many feelings about Holmes and Watson (now both weird amalgams of book canon plus various portrayals) than I know what to do with.

So where do I put them? Is there a venue for thoughts on Holmes on screen other than this 3 week class? And I'm not talking about reblogging shippy gifs on tumblr, either. Is there a place in this world, on this internet, for someone who's watching every version of Sherlock Holmes they can find?
my_daroga: Orson Welles (orson)
2018-12-12 02:45 pm
Entry tags:

Is this something I'll be doing?

Some articles/podcasts I've been thinking about...

Hollywood Still Doesn’t Know What to Make of Childless Women (The Atlantic) | As a female-bodied person nearing 40, this discussion spanning mostly the new Mary Queen of Scots and Sad Jen memes speaks to me. Our media is still saturated with the notion that women MUST have a partner and babies to be be real/fulfilled/happy/useful/name your trope. A single woman over 40 must, inevitably, be incomplete. I don't actually get this from people in my life, but there's no denying it's prevalent in culture.

The Real Roots of American Rage (The Atlantic) | Interesting look at some of the research on anger, its use as a political/moral force, and the dangers of both uncontained moral outrage and the perfidy of what they call "corporatized outrage" as a manipulative tool.

Starving the Watchdog (Hidden Brain) | Podcast about the hidden costs of local newspapers shutting down, and what that lack of investigative reporting might be doing to our communities. The market cannot make up for the lack in the way it might if we started shopping elsewhere--this is not a case of one supermarket closing and another opening up. It's a case of an initial cost-saving impulse leading to much bigger costs down the way.

They Can’t Hear You, Theresa (The Gist) | Podcast that contains the mentioned rant about Theresa May and Brexit, but noted here for the interview with Ruth Whippman, which I found interesting for the revelation I should have had earlier: that Americans' pursuit of happiness is tied up in a darker notion. The self-help/self-care regimen is, in part, designed to make US feel responsible for our own systemic oppression. This isn't to say that keeping your BuJo is bad or that you shouldn't take that yoga class, but that it's telling that the folks these tactics are marketed to are almost univerally those who already lack power in society. Like diets. There's nuance here, but I just hadn't put it together before--that self-help comes alongside an implication that you need to be doing better. Which may well be true, but it's not the whole story.


my_daroga: "Match me, Sidney." (noir)
2018-12-11 10:48 am
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look, I'm just not a Labyrinth fan, okay?

I like to talk about movies. Weirdly enough, someone allows me to sometimes do so in recorded form. 24 Flames per Second is a podcast with a "roasting" set-up: one person defends a beloved film, and two people debate them. Sometimes it's a better discussion than others, but I've been on quite a few at this point, so I'll collect 'em here in case anyone's ever interested.

Beetlejuice (roasting)
Scream (roasting)
First Blood (roasting)
Moulin Rouge (roasting)
Jaws (co-host)
Clueless (co-host)
Maleficent (co-host)
Avengers: Infinity War (roasting)
Big (defending)
John Wick (roasting)
It's a Wonderful Life (defending)
Election (defending)
Labyrinth (roasting)
Spider-man: Homecoming (roasting)
Blade Runner (roasting)
The Last Jedi (roasting)
Captain America: Civil War
Boogie Nights (roasting)
A Christmas Story (roasting)
The Birds (roasting)

Now, contrary to my customary role, I don't hate these movies. Well, I hate some of them. But it's about the debate, and I've roasted movies I love, movies I don't like, movies I thought I liked until I roasted 'em and convinced myself, and movies I think should die inna fire. I don't get to talk about film as much as I'd like, and this isn't the format I'd choose if it was my project, but this is a really fun time I enjoy taking part in.
my_daroga: Mucha's "Dance" (Default)
2018-12-10 04:03 pm
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Intro/Update thingy

Like many others, the issues over at tumblr have made me wonder if DW is about to get a little influx of activity. And since I've put my name into the friending meme yonder, I think maybe a little re-intro might be in order.

Hi! I'm Kris. Some call me Pepper--it's a name given to me when I became a "Laser Artist" and I'll tell you that story sometime, if you want. I've been wandering around online fandom since, oh, 1993-4, via *Prodigy message boards (specifically Sherlock Holmes and Phantom of the Opera). There've been significant gaps in there, but I joined LJ in 2005 or so, have an AO3 account, and all that.

When fandom, er, didn't migrate to DW, it coincided with a lot of RL life changes for me, and I feel out of fandom. I've never really found my way "back," partly due to, you know, LIFE, and partly due to the visual nature of tumblr fandom which is fine and dandy and I like pretty things, but I really don't like feeling ignored. And that's what tumblr often made me feel--ignored personally, and vilified generally whenever I saw wanky, anti-type posts about... well, anything. See, I'm a very PoMo fan, in that all things are always and not true at the same time, so absolutist language about fandom has always rubbed me the wrong way.

Putting that aside, for now, hi! I forget how to do this. I'm not sure what I'll be using this for in the future. My main fannish activities are co-producing sci-fi theater in Seattle and doing a lot of DW roleplay, so feel free to ask me about either of those. Or to direct me where I might find some good, old-fashioned interaction!

Other stats:
  • I'm an actor
  • I work for a very tiny non-profit related to the recovery of salmon
  • I love animals and recently lost my beloved pupper Mr. Darcy but I still have two cats
  • I live with a roommate whom I met through the Sherlock Seattle convention so it's kinda nerdy there
  • I watch a LOT of older film and love to talk about it
  • I will talk about just about anything and I don't have any triggers or things I can't talk about. It's pretty hard to bother me that way.

So hello and howdy! If there's anything you wanna know, or anything you think it'd be interesting to post about, say hi. I guess I'm just announcing that I'm still alive, and here.

my_daroga: Sirius from Diana Wynne Jones' Dogsbody. Based on my dog. (dog)
2018-10-31 02:12 pm
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Fanfic tropes bingo card

In an attempt to inspire myself... we'll see what happens!

Aphrodisiacs (Includes Things Like Sex Pollen) Unmixy Things: Weird Crossovers Secret Admirers All Tied Up: Handcuffs Ropes And Restraints Tentacles
Food/Cooking And Mealtimes Androids And Robots We're All Going To Die! Genderswap Epistolatory Fic: Emails/Letters/Etc.
Seduction Speech-Deprived FREE SPACE Domestic Bliss To The Highest Bidder: Auctions And Slavefic
Relative Values: Families Marriage (Arranged Accidental Or Otherwise) Historical AU Everyone Thinks We're Doing It Contemporary AU
Mpreg Elves Getting Physical: Touching Hugging And Cuddling Physical Violence Truth Or Dare


Generated here
my_daroga: Mucha's "Dance" (iconic)
2018-06-19 04:26 pm
Entry tags:

I'm on DW all the time, just usually as other people...

Well, it's only been, what? Five years?

I miss fandom. I miss discussing things I love (and don't) in a somewhat civilized way. I miss creating stuff to share. I miss all of it, and I keep trying to get onto tumblr and keep realizing it's not giving me the interaction I want.

This won't, either, but if anyone's out there listening and knows where anything's happening, would you let me know you're still alive?
my_daroga: Orson Welles (orson)
2013-10-10 09:30 pm
Entry tags:

on the fact all the fanfiction I've posted today is ancient

Somehow, I've convinced myself I'm not a writer. I used to write all the time. I used to even post stuff I'd written! And I haven't in years, except for roleplay, which is writing, but dependent on others playing along. Which can be a great thing, motivationally, and a bad thing.

So today, in an effort to jumpstart my creative engines, I posted a bunch of old stuff to AO3 that I guess I didn't feel qualified as fic, or wasn't done/good enough/ready. I know that those pieces won't ever be, and I thought maybe if I put it out there, I'd inspire myself again. So the Phantom and Star Trek stuff that went up today is all old. In one case, almost ten years old. So the person who wrote that is no longer the person I am, but I still think I had some nifty stuff to say. And maybe someone will enjoy it, or be inspired to write their own response.

The Trek stuff I posted is all more or less flashback/metafic about Kirk, based on stuff that was developing through the roleplay I was part of. Things were coming out in play that might not necessarily reflect my view of canon, but were nonetheless takes I hadn't seen before on Jim Kirk. So those are there, too.

I want to write more. I just have no idea how to do it anymore, and I'm not even sure why that is. I've honestly convinced myself I have no ideas in my head, which is inconsistent with the fact I apparently want to write. So something's blocking me pretty hard.

So if you've ever been in this position? What do you do? Prompt communities? I am interested in way too many things at the moment to be able to narrow down my interest long enough to think of a premise. I think I need to set some artificial barriers. And keep reminding myself it doesn't have to be good/done/epic/amazing right off. Somehow, I got into that mentality as well, the one where I have to know what the end point is in order to act. I've been getting a LOT better at not living that way, and it's turned out all right for me so far. So it's time to apply it to writing, again. If I can narrow my attention long enough to know where to begin.
my_daroga: Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera (phantom)
2013-10-10 11:06 am

Fanfiction: Like Everybody Else (10/12) - Phantom of the Opera

Title: Like Everybody Else (10/12)
Fandom: Phantom of the Opera (Leroux)
Rating: Mature (sexual content)
Summary: A sequel to the events of the novel, Christine returns to Erik to live as his wife. But the promises Erik made are difficult to keep, and a kiss is not enough.
Notes: Thanks to [personal profile] stefanie_bean for her editing help and [personal profile] lettered for her support and inspiration. Also available at AO3.
Chapter Ten )
my_daroga: Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera (phantom)
2013-10-09 12:37 pm

Fanfiction: Like Everybody Else (9/12) - Phantom of the Opera

Title: Like Everybody Else (9/12)
Fandom: Phantom of the Opera (Leroux)
Rating: Mature (sexual content)
Summary: A sequel to the events of the novel, Christine returns to Erik to live as his wife. But the promises Erik made are difficult to keep, and a kiss is not enough.
Notes: Thanks to [personal profile] stefanie_bean for her editing help and [personal profile] lettered for her support and inspiration. Also available at AO3.
Chapter Nine )
my_daroga: Mucha's "Dance" (iconic)
2013-10-08 10:40 am

although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend

So. Hi.

It's been awhile, right? I'm not even sure where to begin, except to say--I miss you. Generally and specifically. I miss fandom, and my flist. Part of it is, I got busy, I got depressed, I got busy getting un-depressed, a lot has changed. And part of it is just that I don't know how to get back in. Somewhere along the line, I've convinced myself I've nothing to say or contribute, and I'm not sure why that is. Thinking feels difficult, fandom feels dispersed, and I no longer know where I fit in it. And thinking about working that out is daunting, because there is so much of it. There's a lot of canon, a lot of fanworks, a lot of meta, and a lot of platforms on which to discuss it. Even now, I don't know where to post. Do I go to tumblr? Do I come here? Do I try both, and if I do, how do I decide what goes where and how do I even manage that without getting overwhelmed again?

Anyway, this current whim has been caused by my attendance at Sherlock Seattle 2013, which was great fun. I've been a Sherlockian since, oh, I was 9 and first saw Jeremy Brett on my tv. So it was amazing, getting to go to a con just a few minutes from my house, where "new" fandom and old mingled. You had all the cosplay, the fic, the tumblr memes, etc, but you also had guests of honor I remembered from zines and Prodigy boards and I reconnected with a lot of stuff and made new connections.

And I want more. I just don't know how to do it. The suggestions I've gotten, while good, aren't quite me. I mean, yes, I'm making fannish crafts, that people seem to want. That's nice! And I enjoy dressing up (especially when professorfangirl calls me out so amazingly nicely!). But what I miss most is discussion and writing fic and being part of that ongoing production of meaning.

So why do I think I can't think anymore?

I don't know, but I might be poking around here, trying to figure it out. Hi!
my_daroga: Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia (lawrence)
2012-06-22 07:12 am

Things [personal profile] lettered writes that I don't have to...

In this post: Avengers fic recs, White Collar, and Terence Hill!

Fic recs! [personal profile] lettered has written two AMAZING Bruce Banner-centric Avengers stories you need to read. They're all at her DW/LJ/AO3, but here are some links.

A Fine Spur Uninterested in being an Avenger, Bruce goes back into hiding. Once more Natasha is sent to recruit him, but she has an agenda of her own. There's this total McGuffin action plot, and then this totally meta discussion on whether Black Widow is allowed to show emotion, cf multiple fannish discussions on the subject.

Her Bruce is tops. And her Natasha is... well, let's just say this fic explores some things amazingly well that need to be addressed.

The Hollow Men Steve goes to Uganda, ostensibly to fetch Bruce, who still doesn’t want to join the Avengers. Steve tries to figure out how to do the right thing; they both try to find their place in the world.

This story is, for me, about how the "right thing" is not always obvious and how superheroes in the real world are problematic and the beauty is that it's about lots of things we never talk about but I want to see discussed. And Steve. Oh god I love Steve.



Also, I was going to talk about how we're watching White Collar but she kind of said everything here EXCEPT for how Neal Caffrey totally reminds me of Terence Hill from the They Call Me Trinity movies. In that they're both irritatingly pretty in a way I don't tend to go for and which tends to get used to showcase how pretty they are EXCEPT in their cases, they're so goofy and allowed to look ridiculous that once I see them in action, I cannot escape. And they both have this devil-may-care, except see-what-I-did-there-aren't-I-awesome? attitude. Or maybe it's the icy blue eyes. Let's see if I can find some pics... )

Of course, Trinity and Terence Hill deserve a post of their own, but once I start I might not stop.
my_daroga: From Powell's "Peeping Tom" (camera)
2012-06-21 01:13 pm

this was written yesterday...

As [personal profile] lettered and I wait in Milkwaukee for our next flight, I will type up a few observations on our weekend at CON.TXT. It's my second fan convention, after last year's KiScon, and I had a fantastic time. I wish I'd had more time with each of the people I met, each of the people with whom dialogues began in various panels. There seemed to be so much to do, I never slowed down and took a "time out" just to get to know anyone better, and I wish I had. Even so, I'm not sure when I would have done that! Anyway I think individually we invited just about everyone to Seattle.

We knew about the con through [personal profile] stultiloquentia and it was great to meet her. We also hung out with and met [personal profile] viklikesfic, [personal profile] sarah, [personal profile] synecdochic, [personal profile] holli, [personal profile] hannah, [personal profile] recrudescence and shared a room with [personal profile] jjhunter. Forgive me--these are the names I got/can remember off the top of my head! But so many people had fascinating things to say, it just didn't seem like enough time.

The panels were great. I tend to enjoy the meatier ones more than the big squeeful ones, though those are fun too! But those where we could focus the discussion a little better--though they always wandered--and get into some of the issues were fantastic. That's why I was here--to find those conversations and those people who, when you say "I love Sherlock/Supernatural/Star Trek but what about the women?" don't remind you we're at a con that, at least nominally, is focused around slash. Because it wasn't. It was focused around wanting to have those discussions, both about how to represent things respectfully and the problems of loving canons that are problematic and at no point did I ever feel like anyone was saying either, "don't harsh my squee by thinking so loud" or "you shouldn't ever ever ever write X because it's always offensive." It was about finding the ways in which we can and should reach out and understand one another and interpret these texts for maximum fun, enjoyment and benefit.

So basically, I went to panels about The Avengers, BBC Sherlock, ALL Sherlock Holmes, speculative erotica, writing trans characters, the problems of canon contrariness, social justice and problematic characters/canons, anonymity/pseudonymity, gender and sexuality across cultures, AUs, the AO3, Doctor Who, and shifting genre in fandom and fanfic. And [personal profile] lettered and I "ran" a DIY Star Trek panel because there should always be MORE SHATNER. In two years, should we attend again (and we plan to but can't plan that far ahead), I really hope to be more organized and do more panels because I really enjoy it. And I have things to offer!

(As anyone there probably noticed I believe, considering how much I talked.)

The Disco Duck was really fun, especially with the "quiet" room for talking, and the vid show was fun but mostly fandoms I knew NOTHING about. (It did, however, make us start watching White Collar when we got back to our room, so... there's that.) I really hope that the problems with the hotel will be solved by next time, because the elevator situation as well as the fact there were NO public gathering spaces when the con sweet wasn't open was difficult. Overall, though, it made me want to be more involved fannishly so I can keep these conversations going in some way, though I'm still not sure HOW.

The other success of the weekend was, I must say, my first true foray into cosplay. I started out the weekend as Tintin, showed up to the dance in my British flag dress (and was called on not actually being British, so I'm SORRY), and then [personal profile] lettered and I showed up on Saturday to the Avengers panel as Bruce and a [pre-serum] Steve. It was great fun and not nearly as uncomfortable as costumes could have been, and I had a lot of fun doing it.

There's more to report, as we spent 2 1/2 days in DC seeing things, but it's been a great and extremely nerdy vacation and is enough, I think, to spread into two posts. Especially since I have pictures! )
my_daroga: Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera (phantom)
2012-01-22 02:54 pm

Fanfiction: Like Everybody Else (8/12) - Phantom of the Opera

Title: Like Everybody Else (8/12)
Fandom: Phantom of the Opera (Leroux)
Rating: Mature (sexual content)
Summary: A sequel to the events of the novel, Christine returns to Erik to live as his wife. But the promises Erik made are difficult to keep, and a kiss is not enough.
Notes: Thanks to [personal profile] stefanie_bean for her editing help and [personal profile] lettered for her support and inspiration. Also available at the AO3 and The Fifth Cellar.

Chapter Eight )